Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All the doctor said was why
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
