Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
