they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
