don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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