my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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