why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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