He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
