Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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