I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
