1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
