This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
