Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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