So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
