Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
