mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
