Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
