Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
