It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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