hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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