Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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