My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
