I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
