he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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