Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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