Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
