Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
