Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
