Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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