The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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