In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
