Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's always time for handjobs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
