ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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