Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
