She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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