neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
