We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I believe in your delicious
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
