I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
