Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
