White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
