He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do vagina's smell?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
