Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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