No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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