I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
