I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
