Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
