Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need a beard to bite.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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