If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
