White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
