I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
