were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just google imaged poop.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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