Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
